It was almost three weeks ago I found myself folded arms across my chest on the brink of shoving my laptop out of the way so I could drop my face onto my criss-crossed arms into what I call the “Downward DONE” position. It was the day before my 45th birthday, and I felt like I was stuck in a muddy, backroad ditch spinning my wheels in vain.
I was there at my desk, thinking back over just the last twelve years of heavy lifting, healing, writing, designing, studying, reading, and investing I’ve done–and there I was . . . feeling worthless.
“There’s still SO much to do and DAMMIT I’m turning 45 and I should be further along than I am with all this–this—PFFFT!”
I cleared my desk for landing. My head thumped down onto my folded arms. I listened to my steamy breath get steamier and faster as my thoughts began to tornado into self-doubt–doubting whether my intentions, blood, sweat, and yes, tears over this work really mattered at all. Questioning if everything I’d ever written, shown up for, or have worked to create has been . . . well, a waste.
Five minutes later, I decided I might as well just go clean the toilets.
By the next day, there wasn’t much left to clean, and by mid-morning of my 45th birthday, I was on the couch, still un-showered, still in my less than elegant PJ’s contemplating what was left of my now, cold, home-brewed (but French-Pressed, thank you very much) coffee. Before heading upstairs to transform from Alice Cooper on a Sunday morning to some more recognizable version of my everyday self, I tapped my phone to read a new Facebook message that had just shown up on my public page.
“I wanted to let you know how you have helped me. I only made it to 2 or 3 of those videos that you did with Karen’s group but in one, you spoke to me and asked me if I was valid. I didn’t understand that question.
I didn’t think that I was.
But I kept thinking about it–and something amazing has been happening for me and I am finally understanding my truth.”
I let out my breath. My throat knotted, eyes stinging.
Yes, it has all mattered, and it will continue to matter as long as I continue to say yes to what I instinctively know is true: I’m here to show up with what I’m made of and be of service–to myself and others.
And that’s all.
I want you to know I get it. And because I get it, I haven’t stopped. I said yes to putting the finishing touches on this event I worked to create. I know that the process of creating this powerful experience, the collaborations, the preparations, the full journey . . . has been on purpose. It has been some of the deepest, passion-filled work I’ve ever done. It’s the result of my lifetime of learning and healing, struggle, triumph, rebuilding, reimagining and revelation, and most importantly, trusting and connecting. Bringing it into the world has been a work of compassion . . . for myself as much as for anyone. For too many years I have watched women struggle–as I have struggled with the big questions we all swirl downward to the bottom of our bellies and find ourselves asking:
Do I matter?
Why am I here?
Is this all there is?
The most important and pivotal moments in your life can happen when you are asking yourself these questions because your answers have the power to change everything.
I believe in the power of women connecting . . .
connecting to themselves, connecting to others and really taking the time to be seen, heard, and known in the world and that’s what this whole thing is about.
You’ve got something powerful to offer yourself, your family, your friends and colleagues, and the world; and that, my friend, is the beginning of changing our whole world.
Let’s start here. Give yourself the time and place to ignite your own epic journey. We’re going to do this thing together. I want to see you show up for yourself because you just never know . . .
You’re invited. xo